ZestVib

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills like to pretend that “Home Is Where the Art Is” but it’s really where the spirits find their portals. 

We recap who bought sexy mannequins and who channeled their inner 1980s dancer in our THG +/- review.

We pick up at that abysmal group dinner with Mauricio still making an ass out of himself.  Minus 20. Does Kyle invite Brandi to events just to watch other people yell at her?  I’m sensing a pattern here.

In a shocking turn, Kyle actually asks her husband to stop making a scene.  Plus 11.  Now why couldn’t she have done that with Faye at that dinner party in her home?

Plus 15 because Ken and Lisa finally come to Brandi’s defense.  No matter what the difference of opinion, attacking Brandi in public isn’t the way to handle it and it’s nice that someone at the table stood up to Mauricio.

And when did Mauricio become such a drama queen?

Minus 10 to Brandi for losing her cool.  If she could just hold her temper and not tell people to F-off when they deserve it, she could come off looking good in all of this.

Instead Kyle, Mauricio, Kim, and Taylor toast as they bad mouth Brandi when she heads to the restroom.  Minus 13.

Then, in the most pathetic move of the night, Mauricio tries to tell Brandi his attack was nothing personal.  Minus 22.  Seriously?  How mean could he have been if he really hated her?

And in a move that’s become downright habitual, Taylor manages to make the whole incident about her.  Minus 11.

I know I’m bored with Taylor. Apparently both Camille and Yolanda are tired of her antics as well.

Speaking of Yolanda, Taylor snipes that she knows some dirt about her husband.  Minus 9 because she never says exactly what that is.  Either put up or shut up Taylor.

Yolanda certainly doesn’t look like she’s worried about anything Taylor has to say.  She’s off decorating mansions in her spare time for her ex-husband Mohamed.  

Over at Kim’s, she’s called in a psychic for her ghostly activity.  Yup, there are spirits roaming her home and she wants psychic Rebecca’s help to get to know them better.  Plus 12.

Rebecca’s full of helpful information.  There’s some strange woman’s spirit sitting on the end of Kim’s bed and a bunch of future grandchildren running around.  No, you can’t see them, but trust me. They’re there and they make Kim feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Or perhaps that’s the hearts she sees dancing in her fireplace.  Has Kim been drinking again?  No, Rebecca assures her that’s simply a spiritual portal she’s witnessing.  Who knew Kim had such vision?

Paul and Adrienne come out of hiding once more.  Apparently Brandi’s big revelation was so upsetting they ran to New York to get away.  Minus 20.  If they aren’t going to tell the audience what the secret that won’t be named is, I wish they’d all stop talking about it.  It’s gotten boring.

I also wish Kyle would stop pretending to be Brandi’s friend when she’s obviously not.  She’ll side with Paul and Adrienne at every turn.  With Brandi, she’s nothing but passive aggressive no matter how much she laments being caught in the middle of this feud.  Minus 18.

And can someone tell Kyle to buy longer matches or have an automatic igniter installed in that fireplace before she sets herself or the house ablaze?

But Kyle’s got big plans.  She’s opening up a new retail store with mean girl buddy, Faye and they head off to admire the boob jobs of mannequins.  Minus 15. It was kind of creepy to watch them feel up plastic women.

All of the ladies head to Daniel Maltzman’s gallery opening where Yolanda haggles to get a deal on a painting and Ken hangs out with the women from the Amazon.

You have to love that Ken can laugh at himself.  Plus 14 when he looks at the photo and asks, “Who’s that bloody midget in the middle?”

Kyle’s in attendance and wearing an outfit that makes her look like she just walked out of a 1980s music video.  Minus 25. The woman has to hire a better stylist.  The headband alone had me seeing flashbacks.

Then she hooks up with Paris Hilton.  Apparently they’re related.  That explains so much.

Brandi’s trying hard to make friends, or at least mend fences.  She invites the ladies to her stripper pole party.  She’s going to be giving classes on getting your sexy back.  Plus 21. I wouldn’t miss that for the world.

And then Brandi invites the ladies to Vegas. What could possibly go wrong there?

Episode total = -50!                                 Season total = -316!

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